My Memo Regarding A Workplace Drinking Policy

To Whom It May Concern:

Drinking breaks should be introduced to the workday. It may be the fact that my office looks out on the smoking deck, that 10 feet of plywood on the roof of our building that also doubles as the only place besides my desk I have to spend my half hour lunch break, that spurred this on, but whatever it is I think I’ve got a legitimate argument here.

I am even willing to compromise comparable time allotments. For example, one of the top managers takes about 7-8 five minute breaks throughout his salaried day. But I’m not asking for the forty minutes he is entitled to. As a lowly hourly worker within a claim to substance addiction I only ask for twenty, just enough to grab an outdoor table at the corner bar and sip down a seven and seven. When I return to the office I will be unaccompanied by the stale smell of nicotine, will not gross out my coworkers and simultaneously convince others of my general lack of hygiene and professionalism. I will even commit to chewing the lime as I close out my tab to be sure that no trace remains.

I know that some people will say that this is an inappropriate policy for a nonprofit organization that works with troubled kids. I disagree. These kids should be shown what healthy and responsible drinking looks like, a 20 minute time limit as well as a clause disallowing shots and Long Islands would keep workplace drinking well within these bounds. I would also point out that we have a very strict no smoking policy for our kids that they see daily violated by staff who chain-smoke on the other side of the window. If we’re open to hypocrisy we may as well just go with it.

If we allow staff to suck down a cancer stick I don’t see why we can’t also allow them to sip down a nice glass of red wine, something that has been shown to prevent the disease while at the same time easing the stress of an overworked and underpaid position. It could become the one part of the employee benefit plan that would actually daily benefit employees while also helping the local economy by providing mid-day funds to what are predominantly night-time establishments. We are in a recession after all, we should all be allowed to do our part for the country.

In conclusion, smokers may say that they can’t make it through the day without a cigarette but let me tell you, I have days where I genuinely don’t think I can make it through without a drink.

Thank you for your timely consideration of my proposal.

Your Employee,
Amelia E. Frey