easy sells, "Amy" and the tip of my tongue

you can tell a lot about a person by the way they describe you to other people. we all have our selling points; those parts of us that are either comfortably like everyone else or a measurable distance above the norm. the kind of things potential employers and potential inlaws checks off on their list of everything a prospective applicant should be. sometimes they're the first things that come to mind when we think of people; their niceness, their politeness, their responsibility.

i never really wanted these to be the kind of adjectives that come quickly to the lips of those describing me. sure, "nice" is nice, but as far as adjectives go it's got to be just about as tip-of-the-tongue as you can get. the one that pops out when nothing else comes to mind. when nothing else stands out.

but the knowledge that who i am now is not an easy sell does bother me. because now my love of argument, the tattoos and the sarcasm, all make me hesitate to let people play the word association game with "Amy". there was a time when i exemplified every check on the list; the good student, the hard worker, the well spoken and respectful girl, the things that guaranteed me the adoration of my friends' parents. but what i can't understand is why no one sees that none of that has changed. they may be less visible than everything i've added to my adjective repertoire in the past few years, maybe it's just that they're less fun to say, maybe they paint a less colorful picture. or maybe it's that they don't come to mind anymore.

you can tell a lot about people by how they describe you. because it's not just about how someone sees you, it's about how they want other people to see you, and why they'd want them to see you that way. at least for me. see i've decided that most people in my life fall into three categories. some people describe me as I appear, some as I am and some as what they think I could be. they're the people that know me, the people that actually understand me, and lastly, the people who love me.

so let's play a game:

"Amy"...

just kidding.

that's one score i don't want to have to tally up right now.