playing dress up, cheerios and justification

so as i got dressed today in respectable office attire, easy to pick out even with sleep-blurred eyes as it is in remarkable contrast to the rest of my more thrifty (and yes, threadbare) clothing, i had an almost out-of-body experience. i watched myself pour coffee grounds into the coffeemaker, eat a sensible breakfast and leave the house before noon, and i wondered..."who the fuck is this person?"

it seems that now that summer school is over (concluded with a 4.0 i might add), i have somehow managed to establish an even more rigid routine. one much less flexible to the remnants of an unplanned hangover or the necessity of continuing a really sweet dream... here i am- an unpaid intern. sure, part of it is predictable, i know my perpetually bleeding heart is susceptible to such decisions, you know- the economically illogical yet oh-so emotionally appealing type. but it's the other part, the one requiring routine and responsibility, that makes me wonder. and worry. but mostly wonder.

i can nonetheless justify my behavior, this being a talent i have refined through years and years of practice dealing with a great many bouts of seemingly uncharacteristic behavior. #1: the fact that the position is unpaid means that i have not yet yielded to the demands of an unfeeling capitalist society that i value nothing that does not bring me monetary gain (incidentally it also means that my parents money is still between me and starvation... but hey, who wants to get into the nit-picky details?) #2: the fact that my internship is with the ADL, a nonprofit civil/human rights organization allows me a bit of cred with the i-can-save-the-world crowd (whom i can thus continue to count myself a member of) and #3: the fact that i took off fridays backs up the claim that i am not only a free spirit with regard to my weekend mobility but that i have provided myself the freedom to indulge an occassional thursday night hangover. or two.

after this my sense of well-being was largely restored. it may also have had something to do with the coffee buzz kicking in. but i prefer to go with the non-chemical indused version. all that matters is that either one leaves me still safely within the parameters of spontaneity and youthful indulgence that i treasure so highly. even if they now arrive between the hours of 8 and 9am.